And the pain bites and nips at me. IT IS A NAGA INSIDE OF ME THE WAY THAT IT SLITHERS AND UNDULATES, HISSING AT INNOCENT ORGANS (BOTH SEEN AND UNSEEN). The pain feels like screaming because it has a vibration and the vibration reverberates and there’s even an echo to it all. It bounces off of the walls of my insides and what are those ways that I used to usher magic into the everyday? I miss those ways.
When I’m surrounded by ritual, the screaming drops in decibels. And when my body is not as solid, the pain can ripple easier. Better. And pass more quickly. IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY, BUT NOW THE DESERT IS RUNNING WITH TOO MUCH BLOOD.We mustn’t forget that this life is fleeting and brothers and sisters are dying everywhere in every moment and it makes tears fall from my eyes because we are all siblings and we are all connected.
IT MAKES NO SENSE THAT WE LIVE DIVIDED UNDER THE ROOF OF THIS WORLD. A few years ago when the conflict had intensified, I had a nightmare about being there, living in a tiny house and my mom and I went into the bathroom to redecorate. (We were trying to take our mind off of the violence.) And as we replaced the shower curtain with something colorful and light, a bomb exploded and her face was blown off right in front of me and I collapsed holding her in the tub and I’m beyond grateful that I’m living different nightmares right now, and does that make me a bad person?
Does that mean that I’m a privileged bitch? Where’s the line? Where’s the line? I DON’T KNOW IF I’D TRADE WITH YOU IF I HAD THE CHANCE. Shema yisrael Adonai eloheynu Adonai echad. Baruch shem kevod malchuto le’olam va’ed.
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Posted on January 5th, 2009 by Khandroma
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